short john mulaney quotes

Everything I thought would work didn't work. So turning on the crowd is only going to alienate the few people who might like it.”, Quote #63“I had a lot of fun writing things that died during dress rehearsal. I still don’t understand it.” – John Mulaney, “I played basketball for five years and I was a benchwarmer all five years. Just put them in a store and I’ll buy them.” – John Mulaney, “According to the Girl Scouts website you cannot buy Girl Scout cookies online. John Mulaney quotes are some of the best for anyone looking to laugh his or her heart out.

They terrify me to this day because 8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way.

From his time on SNL to his standup comedy routine, check out his funniest moments here! Because a lot of times you're talking about everyone else.”, “It was funny to be an emcee, because you're so at the mercy of the club. Something good comes out of exhaustion.”, “It's nice when you're nervous and everybody's like, "Yeah, you should be nervous."

And everything that comes out of his mount is like a quote.

You know comedy once you're doing it.”, “The Doula" was and is a very, very special episode to me because I think it's very funny and very weird and it also is 100 percent based on my life, in that I fainted three times during Sex Ed in real life the three different years.”, "If I was at the Comedy Cellar at midnight you yelled at the back of the room. Below are a number of quotes from him.

Might be.” – John Mulaney, “Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s awesome.” – John Mulaney, “You have your law practice, and me, I have all these fucking markers.” – John Mulaney, “Late at night, on the street, women will see me as a threat.

And I tried it, and I walked much faster.”, “I’ll keep all my emotions right here.,, John Mulaney Quotes - Best Of John Mulaney Florida Quotes-PositivePing, Motivational Movies Bollywood - Top 5 Motivational Movies - PositivePing, Love of My Life Quotes - Love of My Life Quotes For Him - PositivePing, Get Your Daily Dose Of Motivation In Your Inbox, Live Your Life To The Fullest And Be Inspired, Motivation, Happiness, Success, Inspiration You Will Get All This Here.

So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.”, Quote #49“The best-case scenario is everything goes perfect and smooth, but we're also a new and weird show. I really like one-liners, I like a lot of different kinds of standup but I've always been long-winded.”, Quote #53“I've done festivals in the past where I'd be a guest, it was like, Wow, maybe someday I could play Town Hall - but that'll be a long way off. He works as actor, writer. I'm an idiot, and I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don't feel like I deserve good treatment.”, “I never knew you were supposed to push off of your feet when you walked. He talks about his experiences in most cases but delivers the message in one of the most hilarious manners that it is impossible not to be cracked up. See more ideas about John mulaney, Comedians, Street smart. It’s like a turtleneck made out of Brillo pads.” – John Mulaney, “It’s 100% easier not to do things than to do them.” – John Mulaney, “Just because you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting.” – John Mulaney, “Girl Scout cookies are delicious!

I want to write songs for people in their 30s called 'Tonight’s No Good. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. 0.

Nick Kroll does that a lot. You have to commit.”, “I was new to acting on a stage in a narrative as opposed to acting on a stage as a stand-up. He is known for starring in many comedy shows. How About Wednesday?

Like Richard Pryor and others, he had a show named after him a few years ago, but it was cancelled.

So I'm not living minute to minute.”, Quote #72“You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.”, Quote #73“I was once on the telephone with blockbuster video, which is a very old-fashioned sentence.”, Quote #74“College was like a four-year game show called 'Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need To Go To Sleep?”, Quote #75“I can’t listen to any new songs.

If you are going through some tough times in life then you can definitely watch John Mulaney’s work which will surely impress you and make you feel better for the best.

If you need to improve your day we suggest reading some of the best John Mulaney quotes below. I am now using his jokes to respond to other people every day without any fail. He doesn't watch important shows. And my dad pulled into the drive-thru, and we started cheering and then he ordered one black coffee for himself and kept driving.” – John Mulaney, “All my money is in a savings account. They will get to the thing that you don’t like about you.” Even adults are sometimes scared of how cruel and insightful middle schoolers can be. His best work can be sourced to the popular “Saturday Night Live Show” where he contributes as a writer. Beside this, he works as actor, writer, and producer.

Whatever’s on, we watch.” – John Mulaney, “It was funny to be an emcee, because you’re so at the mercy of the club. Your email address will not be published. No more equivocating. ’Kid Gorgeous’ is John Mulaney’s best hour-long stand-up comedy special yet, a showcase for his immaculate writing and captivating stagecraft. Never miss another update. Mulaney is able to express this feeling perfectly here in a perfect, slightly dramatic way. He often makes his life the topic for his jokes something many comedians tend to do at times. He has a way of playing around with words, and memories that you cannot help but laugh in amazement. Updated Oct 01, 2020.

They come in Thin Mint and Samoa and also other flavors.

I look like I was just sitting in a room with a chair eating saltines for 28 years and then walked right out here.” – John Mulaney, “In terms of like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.” – John Mulaney, “I like to turn on the TV and watch whatever’s on.

The following are a few of the best of John Mulaney quotes and jokes that will definitely make you laugh your heart out. You don't need to hear why people are friends, you don't need to hear why people are roommates, you don't need to hear why someone would help a friend to do something.”, “Stand-up for me is just my opinions on things, so it wouldn't be as fun translated into a sketch.

It’s kind of flattering in its own way, but at the same time it’s weird because, like, I’m still afraid of being kidnapped.” – John Mulaney, “You can’t always see both sides of the story. And that outlook grants a lot of perspective, but don’t think that comedy will change or should change and become political due to other things, this is not happening. Mulaney made his film debut in 2018, voicing Peter Porker/Spider-Ham in the Academy Award winning animated feature film Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.

I still don't understand it.”, “I like making fun of myself a lot. When you enter adulthood, things start to change. That is funny, yeah!

If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away — then they’re just pants.” – John Mulaney, “I’m like an iPhone, it’s going to be worse versions of every year, plus I get super-hot in the middle of the afternoon for no reason.” – John Mulaney, “College was like a four-year game show called “do my friends hate me or do i just need to go to sleep?” – john mulaney, “I quit drinking because I used to drink too much, then I would black out and I would ruin parties.” – John Mulaney, “Late at night, on the street, women will see me as a threat.

Let’s see the fun John Mulaney Quotes that will make you day better: Remember that life is a joke and it is really important to remember this.

So when you leave your baby with your mom to watch, you don't run home and check the nanny cam. He is one of the people whose dedication to making others happy is commendable. You have to commit.” – John Mulaney, “The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.” – John Mulaney, “I don’t make plans anymore. “I’m a very lucky person. You start doing something and you want it to be perfect right away, but most babies are born ugly and then they shake it out and you get beautiful toddlers.”, “All my money is in a savings account. I'll be sure to look right into camera.”, “Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.”, “​I stopped drinking when I was 23.

Jul 7, 2014 - Explore Jenna Thornton's board "John Mulaney Quotes" on Pinterest.

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Mulaney worked behind the scenes on some of the most iconic sketches to date. PositivePing is a motivational blog which is all about Positivity. If you haven’t seen Mulaney’s stand-up specials, please do so immediately. And that just feels like, Well, I guess I'm also crazy.”, “I just watched a ton of comedy and saw a ton of different styles, and eventually you think, 'Oh, yeah, I could be like that.”, “If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.”, “I think for many of us - speaking for just a pocket of the country - we trusted Obama. Might be.”, Quote #51“Understudies don't normally get invited to openings.”, Quote #52“I do longer runs on things, a lot stories.

There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. But that's fine for a comedian. John Mulaney quotes out of content are some of the most hilarious sayings you will come across.
He is best known for his work as a writer on Saturday Night Live and as a stand-up comedian with stand-up specials. That is funny, yeah!

John Mulaney is an American actor, producer, writer, and stand-up comedian.

If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them, that’s the worse word.” – John Mulaney, “I was once on the telephone with Blockbuster Video, which is a very old-fashioned sentence.” – John Mulaney, “Do you want a salad or fries? You know comedy once you’re doing it.” – John Mulaney, “I like that idea that what I do might be mainstream.

He is also known for his voice acting work as Andrew Glouberman in the Netflix original animated show Big Mouth. The first time I did stand-up I was at a place called the B3 in New York on Third and Avenue B and I not only didn't take the mic out of the stand, but I clutched the stand of the entire time.”, “Occasionally you get that one person that says "I really like that one part of this joke" and you go, "Oh thank you that's my favorite part too."

That should be an acceptable answer on a test.” – John Mulaney, “I always thought that quicksand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be. He is definitely one of the best stand-up comedians that is worth your time. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times.

Was that a problem at one point?” – John Mulaney, “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.” – John Mulaney, “Email viruses bring people together in amazing ways.” – John Mulaney, “I had a producer tell me I couldn’t use the word midget because it was ‘worse than the n-word’… First off… No, it’s not.

May 9, 2018 - Explore Isabella Glassman's board "john mulaney quotes" on Pinterest. Shut up."

He won the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing for a Variety Special in 2018 and also he owns Writers Guild of America Award in 2009 and 2010 as Best Comedy/Variety Series and Primetime Emmy Awards for Outstanding Music and Lyrics in 2011.

I don't wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines.”, “You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.”, “I like when things are crazy. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks.

He was the creator and star of the short-lived Fox sitcom Mulaney, a semi-autobiographical series about his life.


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